New podcast episode: Looking for Love


“How to Be a Girl” is my audio podcast about life with my transgender daughter.

Hi friends. I’ve been working on this podcast episode off and on for several months now. It took me a long time because it’s about big things. It’s about finding love. It’s about boys (both M. and I seem to like them a lot).  It’s about questions I can’t answer:

Can I date a man who wouldn’t date someone like my daughter?

Who will love my transgender child?

You can listen to it here.

6 thoughts on “New podcast episode: Looking for Love

  1. Who wouldn’t love your daughter?That she happens to be a little different physically to other little girls at the moment makes no difference to the person she is. One day she may have the reassignment and will remain the perfect daughter.You must consider your own happiness too and your happiness will no doubt reflect on your daughter’s life as well.
    xxx Massive Hugs xxx

  2. First off, I am not transgender, and I don’t have a close relationship with anyone that is.

    The more educated I become about transgender people and issues (this has been a ~3 year process!), the less and less I think about genitals. At this point, the genitals my husband has is not the most important part of our relationship, though of course I would miss them if they changed 😉
    If you love someone and care about them, what’s in their pants isn’t as big a deal as you might think. as long as they know how to use it!

  3. Have you seen the Taboo (TV show) episode on gender? It is on Netflix. Season 9, episode 12 “Changing Gender” it is very interesting and well produced. One thing I thought was neat was one of the psychologist says that her clients usually know by the age of 5 that that are “in the wrong body”. That made me think of M. There is also a lady called Chris-Tina who has only partially changed, and she is quite happy with where she is. It’s a good episode. So, in case you’ve not seen it, you might find it interesting. Chris-Tina is a girl with a penis 🙂 Happy Thanksgiving. Mary

    Sent from my iPhone


  4. You have the world’s most lovely voice. So gentle and kind as you deliver words that you have thought about long and hard, yet still come straight from the heart.

    I hope that both of you will find loves worthy of your beautiful selves.

  5. Well, as a 63-yr old transgender woman, I have been married with the same man for nearly 40 years. We’ve both been happy, employed, and own our home here in beautiful SF. My point, yes, as David said above, there is definitely someone out there who will fall in love with your daughter. Nothing is promised to anyone, but if M remains brave and embraces life with gusto, there is a man out there someday who will love being her boyfriend and will want to be her husband. I am proof that it does indeed mean that “someone will love [your] transgender child.” The philosophers have wisely said that it is not the destination that is important, it is the journey. I trust you and M will have a joyous journey full of love, happiness and wondrous discoveries.

  6. Forty-five year-old, non-op, trans woman here. What I’ve seen among my kid’s generation (Millennial) is that there seems to be greater acceptance for gender variance than with my generation. This isn’t a scientific observation, though. It’s just what I’ve noticed.

    But your OKCupid situation was much like my own, though I had an additional twist. I either was encountering men (and women) who flat-out refused to date trans persons, there were also men who were seeking out pre-op (and possibly even non-op) trans persons for sex. Eventually, I set my profile to not permit straight persons to find me. I was visible only to bisexual and gay persons.

    So, OKCupid can be a “wretched hive of scum and villainy,” but that’s only one place in which to look for love. I think it is possible, albeit challenging, for trans persons to find partners even among cisgender persons. My partner is one such cis-bi person who is committed to me as fully as I am to her. These partners are out there.

    There is hope.


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