Oh, for Pete’s sake!

Cancer?! Really?!?  Oh, for Pete’s sake!

That’s what Mom probably said to the doctor who gave her the news  about the mass they found in her abdomen a week ago. Mom left the Catholic Church decades ago, but she still swears like a good little Catholic girl.

“Fuck you, cancer,” was my response. “Why do you have to  come for the nice moms? The ones who are loving to their daughters and staunchly supportive of their transgender granddaughters? The ones everyone’s going to miss?! Cancer, there aren’t enough expletives to convey how much I hate you.”

My mom is still here with us, still doting (when she the energy) on her three grandchildren. But the diagnosis is pretty grim: People who beat this type of cancer become the long-shot, against-the-odds  stories you hear from well-meaning friends trying to give you a little hope. Doctors don’t smile or joke during Mom’s appointments, even when she does. When I went to picked up her medications the other day, even the pharmacist told me how sorry she was about my mom.

But we’re not giving up. Mom is going to fight you, cancer. And I’m going to help her.

Friends, if you don’t hear much from me for a while, it’s because my mom needs me right now.

Please hug your dear ones tight, take good care, and remember every day to take very seriously the excellent advice Mom always gave us kids: Be yourself.

(I wrote this post about my mom – gendergrandma – a while back. Isn’t she awesome?!?!)


gendergrandma, somewhere in France, 2014

19 thoughts on “Oh, for Pete’s sake!

  1. Darling, Gendermom.
    I’ve been reading your wonderful posts for a while now. I’ve never dare to write any comment. Too shy… I wish you all the energy I can send you from Barcelona, with all its spring sun and newborn flowers. Thnx for all the love you give with your words and true feelings. You’re great and, logically, so is the woman who brought you to this world.

  2. ❤ and hugz

    Attitude is everything. When they diagnosed my cancer I was one lymph node from incurable.. You and your mom are in my thoughts and prayers. Stay strong.

  3. Cancer is evil, but don’t let fear freeze you up. Your mother seems to have a great attitude and that will make as big an impact as her treatments. Hang in there, you are not alone.

  4. I am so, so sorry that your mom–and you–have to face this. Life does not dish out difficulty in fair portions–some people receive almost none, and other people get boatloads. I see your mom in perfect health once again.

  5. Dear gendermom, You and your M. and gendergrandma have touched my family more than I can put into words. Wishing you all to be wrapped in and feel even a portion of the beauty you’ve breathed into the world. So much love to you. We “sit” with you feeling such a range of emotions. We’ll be with you in heart to yell “For Pete’s sake” or “Fuck cancer!” with you, cry with you, and as a backdrop of love as you squeeze every moment full of life.

  6. I’ve been binging on your podcast archives, which have brought me to tears several times, and fallen in love with your family. I’m praying hard for your mother, her doctors, and you.

  7. Your darling mom is such a sparkling light! You are all in my prayers AND please know this is not judgey but do try not to give up hope. Hope isn’t weak or lame or bliss-ninny material: deep hope as in the acceptance that surprises really can happen can truly help support us all in this awful process. Medicine is changing all the time and a lot of horrible things that were hopeless not so long ago are rapidly becoming treatable. My husband died a few years ago of a cancer that is already less deadly because new treatments have come along. And I HOPE you can all get out to Harmony Hill (on Hood Canal in Union) for one of their life changing free cancer retreats…

  8. Well, that totally sucks. I am so sorry to learn about your mom’s diagnosis and can imagine some of what you and your family are going through right now. As if you didn’t already have more on your plate than a superhuman should be asked to take. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. May you all find the strength you need at every step along the way, and may you be blessed in thousands and thousands of ways.

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