A chronicle of fun and fear, or, daily life with my young trans daughter
About
Hi, I’m gendermom.
I live with M., my six-year-old thirteen-year-old (!!!) transgender daughter, in a city in the United States of America. The basics of my story are here. You can also watch this cartoon I made that tells our story:
I also use the pseudonym “Marlo Mack,” and I produce a podcast called “How to Be a Girl.”
And… I wrote a book!
It’s also available as an audio book:
I’d love to hear from you! You can email me at genderawesome (at) gmail.com
Have a great day.
love,
gendermom
Thank you for this blog and for being such a loving mom. I only wish I had the same growing up and struggling with my gender issues. I know it is not easy, but the path you are on is the right one.
hi im bri and im like your daughter except I don’t have the privilege like she douse in that my grandparents don’t except me they hate the fact that im trans and it hurts please call me at 904 710 48 26 im hurt and I need to talk to other transgenders
I came over here from seeing your blog on the Daily Post. I’m one of those mainstream people that really has no clue about issues such as your daughter (that’s correct, right?) is going through, but want to learn so I’m accepting for the right reasons, if that makes any sense. I think it’s great when folks like you share your story so that folks like me can see that transgender people aren’t suffering from some sort of psychological defect, but rather, they’re just people born into the wrong body for them. I hope my comment doesn’t make me sound like a Neanderthal, I feel as though I’m not conveying what’s supposed to be a positive comment correctly. Lol, the short of my comment is this…great job, great blog, looking forward to reading,, best of luck to you and M!!
I think you’re doing a very difficult and glorious thing; accepting. You’re not only coming to terms with it yourself, but you’re teaching your daughter to do the same thing. I come from a religious community and personally I’m not religious. I got a lot of flack for that. I resent where I come from now, because ignorance and misunderstanding was something no one in the community wanted to right.
Whatever you and your community are doing, keep it up. It doesn’t happen everywhere.
Hi Gendermom, I’m thrilled to see you made today’s Blogger Profile! My name is Nicholas and you can find me here at WordPress too at GlindaTheGoodBitch. I’m not sure if you get a notification whenever someone posts a comment to the story about you and your blog, so just in case I cut and pasted my comment here for you to read. Best of luck, love and God’s Blessing to you and your family or family of choice if that’s the case. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
A beautiful post and a beautiful blog! I don’t know Gendermom personally, but we are roughly the same age. My partner and I, neither of whom are are transgender, were among the first couples rallying for gay men and women to be afforded the right to adopt children many years ago. We won a landmark case setting precedence in the New York Family Courts and appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show back then not to mention being interviewed for numerous magazines and newspapers. Being pioneers isn’t easy and can be painful at times due to the cold, harsh bigoted world we live in. But thanks to WordPress and the power of social media we have have the tools to help people rethink diversity more than ever, one voice at a time. Thank you Gendermom, and WordPress for this powerful post and blog! It’s times like this I believe WordPress’ tagline should be, “A ‘finest’ WordPress.com site”. P.S. How come I don’t see TimeThief weighing in on this one as she usually pokes in on most everything? Just sayin’.
I just found your blog from your WordPress feature. In case you aren’t reading the comments being left there, here’s what I wrote: “I can’t begin to image the complexities, questions, worries, concerns, etc. that Gendermom must have to work through. But her daughter sounds like one amazing little girl; I adore her confidence, and trust that she will grow up to be a fantastic woman – in no small part to her fantastic mom. :)” Blessings to you, your daughter, and your community.
I am so happy to have come across your blog. It is really moving to see how loving and accepting you are of your daughter and how you handle tough situations (i.e. Genitally Obsessed Gossip Moms) in such a powerful way and without losing your cool. I’m happy to be a new follower and can’t wait to read more about you and M.
Hello…I love your blog and it had made me think a lot more about trans issues and how I would cope having a child who was born differently. It is very inspirational! I would like to nominate you for a Sunshine Award! The award info can be found here: https://raonaid.wordpress.com/2013/12/03/sunshine-award/
I just found your blog via Notes On Crazy and I’m so glad I did. Finding people who are so accepting of trans people — like myself — gives me strength and helps me recognize that I’m not living in isolation. Thank you, and I wish you and your daughter success and happiness. I look forward to following your progress.
I’m a regular reader, and noticed that you’ve started to post anonymized pictures of your family. I hate to be a paranoid downer, but from what I’ve heard from queer and feminist bloggers, there are some really, really persistent haters out there who will use every bit of information they can get to track down, harass, and threaten people who put positive information about things they don’t like or understand out there. So I hope you’re being very careful. We all need to keep hearing your story.
I stumbled upon an article you wrote (“Finally, some reliable research on trans kids like mine”) which directed me to your blog. First I want to say that I’m so happy your daughter is excelling!
I identified as female when I was very young (probably around 3 or 4-years-old), and am now 21-years-old and identify completely as male. I actually underwent Dr. Zucker’s therapy. No one can say for sure if it was the treatment that made me not identify as female anymore, or if this would have happened regardless. I just think that this type of treatment provided is very different than gay reparative therapy, or trans reparative therapy beyond a certain age (say beyond 8), which are both objectively harmful. I think we have a ways to go before we completely understand gender identity. Perhaps some children are truly transgender (like your daughter) and some are just in a long, drawn out phase (like me). Or perhaps it’s something completely different.
Having said, I’m so glad you shared your story! I’m very happy for your daughter and wish you and her all the best. 🙂
Please read online article “Gender Identity Disorder in Children” by psychiatrist Richard Fitzgibbons. Your son needs help–contact http://www.gaytostraight.org and http://www.josephnicolosi.com. Sick people have long exploited by the Left. Do the right thing.
I looked up your blog after reading about your daughter’s visit with Ms Cox.
I’m a typical soccer mom in Birmingham AL. We have 4 children (27, 23, 22 & 13) and 3 grandchildren (2, 1 & newborn) which is a true miracle! Who knew 30 year olds could have kids that old?!? Ha!
All kidding aside – I love my children AND their children! As the world evolves and children are more comfortable to share their true selves, I want to be educated enough to rejoice and share with them. Unfortunately, most people in general do not take too kindly to those of us that simply are not familiar with their life.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m hoping we all learn how to continue to love others.
You need to mind your own business. You can have your own opinions about transgender individuals, but casting aspersions on the mental health of Gendermom and her ability to care for her child is below the belt.
Its wrong and so sorry you are dealing with this. Sorry still that you have accepted the words of a child two young to know just what it is going to happen. I agree with Sharon Kass. I saw something on this recently and a Doctor who mentioned gender identity Disorder in children. If you child has the mumps you don’t accept it and let what will be …happen, but take the child to a doctor. At the age of 2 or 3 or 4 children want to be and say they are a lot of things. You are the mother and guide to your child’s life. Guide him but don’t accept and let him become that which he is not. Although our world has changed so much and accepted things I never thought would ever be….it still remains this is not right. No matter who says its okay. Guide him well.
Hi Ilene,
I listened to the podcasts of Marlo Mack on Spotify, and she actually discusses this subject in one of her podcasts! Marlo and her child contributed to a couple of researches about transgender children (there were almost no statistics about transgenders). One of the researches was about the meaning of young kids saying they are trans (can they really know at such a young age?) and if it could mean the same thing as a kid saying it was a turtle – something we all would agree on is wrong and probably just a phase.
I think it was Episode VII: THE FACTS (about transgender kids) (which you can find on http://www.howtobeagirlpodcast.com/
Maybe this can clear up some things Marlo Mack and her daughter are experiencing.
I’m sorry I can’t explain myself, my mother tongue isn’t english so i\m doing my best.
Love this! You are a great mom for doing all you possibly can for your daughter! I also wanted to comment on the self portrait- I always think it’s soooo funny that little girls want looooonnnnngggg hair, yet never want you to brush it, or put it up and out of her little face. Hopefully, you are luckier than I have been in experiences with little girls and long hair 🙂
Thank you for your courageous and inspiring choice to accept your child as she is and wants to be, not simply a product of biology or social conditioning, but a BEING, a self, a person–that you love and welcome and clearly nurture. Thank you. This is so moving and inspiring and to me a sign that we can evolve together as a society.
I know what you’re going through Marlo. I have a 3 year old who knew from as soon as he could talk that his identity was GI Joe. Watching his face light up, hearing him say “It’s exciting!” when we bought him his first firearm for christmas last year just filled me with joy.
I just want to say I love your blog. Not only is it amazing for mothers who have a trans child it’s great for the community. As innocent as being a child can be your podcast opens a window to the wider wold of trans issues. I’m a 29 year old transwoman and you and your daughter are huge role models. Thank you and good luck. It gives me hope for the future and you are paving the way for a more accepting community and culture.
I’m a 47yo trans woman. I transitioned when I was 26. As a teenager I was so so angry. My mom eventually knew *something* was going on and got me a therapist who helped me find coping mechanisms that got me through college and into a computer-related career successfully where transition was not a major problem.
But I digress. I digress because at 47yo I’m still angry. 🙂 If I’m honest, I’m still angry about what I perceive as having missed out on. I’m angry that my friends don’t know who I am. I’m angry that I choose to keep it that way. I’m angry that I even have to make that choice. In the end, I’m just tired and angry about being different.
Every episode of your podcast I listen to I cry. You’re such a loving mom. A loving mom looking for the best for her daughter. Able to hear your daughter for who she is. Teaching her about what it means to be a loving person. And 99% of that nothing to do with gender or trans-ness. It’s just love. :’-)
I love this video/cartoon more than I have words to tell you. Thank you for this! I followed your blog and can’t wait to read more. Wonderful stuff here.
Hello! I followed your blog because of extreme curiousity! This is the fist time I encountered the idea of a 3-year-old transgender or a transgender per se — a girl in a boy’s body (or vice versa). I am not even too exposed to gays and lesbians world. So this idea is even more strange to me.
Three years ago I was exposed to gender and development activities. For the first time I learned the difference between sex and gender. They said, sex is nature, gender is nurture. So being gay or lesbian are both nurtured by their environment and their choice. And to be a masculine or a feminine is their choice. And they have to be respected and loved for that, just like all the other people. Their choice is their right. Unfortunately they are not being loved by many.
Now, this is something totally new to me.
Can I ask you some questions regarding your child? I mean not here, but through email. Well, if it’s okay for you!
Thanks for sharing your life and your child’s situation. I admire your courage! I admire your great love to your child. That is what she will be needing the most! And that is how all parents should respond to their children — no matter what.
this podcast has changed my views on life I’m 17 and I want to make a change in the world and this story is changing my views on kids and people that were born with the wrong gender and I want to thank you for all the stories that I will listen.
I just read what I cherish omg it made me cry for years I had to talk to my mother n law about my lil sister n law that me and my husband were raising at the time and she just kept saying I wont accept that so she really had a hard time going from our home were we loved and accepted her to her moms were she was made to ware dresses and bows it was painful to watch her hurt and not want to go to her own mothers home he is grown now and we still love him the same as always his mother somewhat accepts him but calls him a girl still you are the best mom a child can have acceptance will make her proud to be who she is keep up the good work and advice
I also use the pseudonym “Marlo Mack,” and I produce a podcast called “How to Be a Girl.”
And… I wrote a book!
gendermom 
Thank you for this blog and for being such a loving mom. I only wish I had the same growing up and struggling with my gender issues. I know it is not easy, but the path you are on is the right one.
hi im bri and im like your daughter except I don’t have the privilege like she douse in that my grandparents don’t except me they hate the fact that im trans and it hurts please call me at 904 710 48 26 im hurt and I need to talk to other transgenders
and tell her stay strong
im guy to girl btw
Love your blog!
I came over here from seeing your blog on the Daily Post. I’m one of those mainstream people that really has no clue about issues such as your daughter (that’s correct, right?) is going through, but want to learn so I’m accepting for the right reasons, if that makes any sense. I think it’s great when folks like you share your story so that folks like me can see that transgender people aren’t suffering from some sort of psychological defect, but rather, they’re just people born into the wrong body for them. I hope my comment doesn’t make me sound like a Neanderthal, I feel as though I’m not conveying what’s supposed to be a positive comment correctly. Lol, the short of my comment is this…great job, great blog, looking forward to reading,, best of luck to you and M!!
I think you’re doing a very difficult and glorious thing; accepting. You’re not only coming to terms with it yourself, but you’re teaching your daughter to do the same thing. I come from a religious community and personally I’m not religious. I got a lot of flack for that. I resent where I come from now, because ignorance and misunderstanding was something no one in the community wanted to right.
Whatever you and your community are doing, keep it up. It doesn’t happen everywhere.
Hi Gendermom, I’m thrilled to see you made today’s Blogger Profile! My name is Nicholas and you can find me here at WordPress too at GlindaTheGoodBitch. I’m not sure if you get a notification whenever someone posts a comment to the story about you and your blog, so just in case I cut and pasted my comment here for you to read. Best of luck, love and God’s Blessing to you and your family or family of choice if that’s the case. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
A beautiful post and a beautiful blog! I don’t know Gendermom personally, but we are roughly the same age. My partner and I, neither of whom are are transgender, were among the first couples rallying for gay men and women to be afforded the right to adopt children many years ago. We won a landmark case setting precedence in the New York Family Courts and appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show back then not to mention being interviewed for numerous magazines and newspapers. Being pioneers isn’t easy and can be painful at times due to the cold, harsh bigoted world we live in. But thanks to WordPress and the power of social media we have have the tools to help people rethink diversity more than ever, one voice at a time. Thank you Gendermom, and WordPress for this powerful post and blog! It’s times like this I believe WordPress’ tagline should be, “A ‘finest’ WordPress.com site”. P.S. How come I don’t see TimeThief weighing in on this one as she usually pokes in on most everything? Just sayin’.
I just found your blog from your WordPress feature. In case you aren’t reading the comments being left there, here’s what I wrote: “I can’t begin to image the complexities, questions, worries, concerns, etc. that Gendermom must have to work through. But her daughter sounds like one amazing little girl; I adore her confidence, and trust that she will grow up to be a fantastic woman – in no small part to her fantastic mom. :)” Blessings to you, your daughter, and your community.
I am so happy to have come across your blog. It is really moving to see how loving and accepting you are of your daughter and how you handle tough situations (i.e. Genitally Obsessed Gossip Moms) in such a powerful way and without losing your cool. I’m happy to be a new follower and can’t wait to read more about you and M.
Hello…I love your blog and it had made me think a lot more about trans issues and how I would cope having a child who was born differently. It is very inspirational! I would like to nominate you for a Sunshine Award! The award info can be found here: https://raonaid.wordpress.com/2013/12/03/sunshine-award/
Keep on writing and best wishes
X
I just found your blog via Notes On Crazy and I’m so glad I did. Finding people who are so accepting of trans people — like myself — gives me strength and helps me recognize that I’m not living in isolation. Thank you, and I wish you and your daughter success and happiness. I look forward to following your progress.
I just nominated you for a “Very Inspirational Blogger” award- can’t think of a better nominee!
Check out the link on my blog: http://30yearoldknowitall.com/2014/01/04/the-very-inspiring-blogger-award/
I’m a regular reader, and noticed that you’ve started to post anonymized pictures of your family. I hate to be a paranoid downer, but from what I’ve heard from queer and feminist bloggers, there are some really, really persistent haters out there who will use every bit of information they can get to track down, harass, and threaten people who put positive information about things they don’t like or understand out there. So I hope you’re being very careful. We all need to keep hearing your story.
You and your daughter are a light for more folks out there than you can probably know. God bless.
Hi,
I stumbled upon an article you wrote (“Finally, some reliable research on trans kids like mine”) which directed me to your blog. First I want to say that I’m so happy your daughter is excelling!
I identified as female when I was very young (probably around 3 or 4-years-old), and am now 21-years-old and identify completely as male. I actually underwent Dr. Zucker’s therapy. No one can say for sure if it was the treatment that made me not identify as female anymore, or if this would have happened regardless. I just think that this type of treatment provided is very different than gay reparative therapy, or trans reparative therapy beyond a certain age (say beyond 8), which are both objectively harmful. I think we have a ways to go before we completely understand gender identity. Perhaps some children are truly transgender (like your daughter) and some are just in a long, drawn out phase (like me). Or perhaps it’s something completely different.
Having said, I’m so glad you shared your story! I’m very happy for your daughter and wish you and her all the best. 🙂
Please read online article “Gender Identity Disorder in Children” by psychiatrist Richard Fitzgibbons. Your son needs help–contact http://www.gaytostraight.org and http://www.josephnicolosi.com. Sick people have long exploited by the Left. Do the right thing.
Hi GM!
I looked up your blog after reading about your daughter’s visit with Ms Cox.
I’m a typical soccer mom in Birmingham AL. We have 4 children (27, 23, 22 & 13) and 3 grandchildren (2, 1 & newborn) which is a true miracle! Who knew 30 year olds could have kids that old?!? Ha!
All kidding aside – I love my children AND their children! As the world evolves and children are more comfortable to share their true selves, I want to be educated enough to rejoice and share with them. Unfortunately, most people in general do not take too kindly to those of us that simply are not familiar with their life.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I’m hoping we all learn how to continue to love others.
Lyric
Soccer Mom
Birmingham, AL
You are absolutely insane, and your child needs to be removed from your care IMMEDIATELY.
You need to mind your own business. You can have your own opinions about transgender individuals, but casting aspersions on the mental health of Gendermom and her ability to care for her child is below the belt.
Its wrong and so sorry you are dealing with this. Sorry still that you have accepted the words of a child two young to know just what it is going to happen. I agree with Sharon Kass. I saw something on this recently and a Doctor who mentioned gender identity Disorder in children. If you child has the mumps you don’t accept it and let what will be …happen, but take the child to a doctor. At the age of 2 or 3 or 4 children want to be and say they are a lot of things. You are the mother and guide to your child’s life. Guide him but don’t accept and let him become that which he is not. Although our world has changed so much and accepted things I never thought would ever be….it still remains this is not right. No matter who says its okay. Guide him well.
Hi Ilene,
I listened to the podcasts of Marlo Mack on Spotify, and she actually discusses this subject in one of her podcasts! Marlo and her child contributed to a couple of researches about transgender children (there were almost no statistics about transgenders). One of the researches was about the meaning of young kids saying they are trans (can they really know at such a young age?) and if it could mean the same thing as a kid saying it was a turtle – something we all would agree on is wrong and probably just a phase.
I think it was Episode VII: THE FACTS (about transgender kids) (which you can find on http://www.howtobeagirlpodcast.com/
Maybe this can clear up some things Marlo Mack and her daughter are experiencing.
I’m sorry I can’t explain myself, my mother tongue isn’t english so i\m doing my best.
Love this! You are a great mom for doing all you possibly can for your daughter! I also wanted to comment on the self portrait- I always think it’s soooo funny that little girls want looooonnnnngggg hair, yet never want you to brush it, or put it up and out of her little face. Hopefully, you are luckier than I have been in experiences with little girls and long hair 🙂
Sending you love from MN!!
Thank you for your courageous and inspiring choice to accept your child as she is and wants to be, not simply a product of biology or social conditioning, but a BEING, a self, a person–that you love and welcome and clearly nurture. Thank you. This is so moving and inspiring and to me a sign that we can evolve together as a society.
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Blogger’s Recognition Award. Here’s a link to the post if you’d like to see it: https://ananonymousoutsider.wordpress.com/2015/09/30/bloggers-recognition-award/
I know what you’re going through Marlo. I have a 3 year old who knew from as soon as he could talk that his identity was GI Joe. Watching his face light up, hearing him say “It’s exciting!” when we bought him his first firearm for christmas last year just filled me with joy.
Thank you for sharing your story. It gives me a great way to look at transgender people. It is so awesome how supportive you are towards your child.
I just want to say I love your blog. Not only is it amazing for mothers who have a trans child it’s great for the community. As innocent as being a child can be your podcast opens a window to the wider wold of trans issues. I’m a 29 year old transwoman and you and your daughter are huge role models. Thank you and good luck. It gives me hope for the future and you are paving the way for a more accepting community and culture.
I’m a 47yo trans woman. I transitioned when I was 26. As a teenager I was so so angry. My mom eventually knew *something* was going on and got me a therapist who helped me find coping mechanisms that got me through college and into a computer-related career successfully where transition was not a major problem.
But I digress. I digress because at 47yo I’m still angry. 🙂 If I’m honest, I’m still angry about what I perceive as having missed out on. I’m angry that my friends don’t know who I am. I’m angry that I choose to keep it that way. I’m angry that I even have to make that choice. In the end, I’m just tired and angry about being different.
Every episode of your podcast I listen to I cry. You’re such a loving mom. A loving mom looking for the best for her daughter. Able to hear your daughter for who she is. Teaching her about what it means to be a loving person. And 99% of that nothing to do with gender or trans-ness. It’s just love. :’-)
I love this video/cartoon more than I have words to tell you. Thank you for this! I followed your blog and can’t wait to read more. Wonderful stuff here.
Hello! I followed your blog because of extreme curiousity! This is the fist time I encountered the idea of a 3-year-old transgender or a transgender per se — a girl in a boy’s body (or vice versa). I am not even too exposed to gays and lesbians world. So this idea is even more strange to me.
Three years ago I was exposed to gender and development activities. For the first time I learned the difference between sex and gender. They said, sex is nature, gender is nurture. So being gay or lesbian are both nurtured by their environment and their choice. And to be a masculine or a feminine is their choice. And they have to be respected and loved for that, just like all the other people. Their choice is their right. Unfortunately they are not being loved by many.
Now, this is something totally new to me.
Can I ask you some questions regarding your child? I mean not here, but through email. Well, if it’s okay for you!
Thanks for sharing your life and your child’s situation. I admire your courage! I admire your great love to your child. That is what she will be needing the most! And that is how all parents should respond to their children — no matter what.
God bless you and your child!
this podcast has changed my views on life I’m 17 and I want to make a change in the world and this story is changing my views on kids and people that were born with the wrong gender and I want to thank you for all the stories that I will listen.
I just read what I cherish omg it made me cry for years I had to talk to my mother n law about my lil sister n law that me and my husband were raising at the time and she just kept saying I wont accept that so she really had a hard time going from our home were we loved and accepted her to her moms were she was made to ware dresses and bows it was painful to watch her hurt and not want to go to her own mothers home he is grown now and we still love him the same as always his mother somewhat accepts him but calls him a girl still you are the best mom a child can have acceptance will make her proud to be who she is keep up the good work and advice